Starships Troopers (1997)

You’re some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren’t you?

— Johnny Rico

Starship Troopers is a movie that I wanted to see for a long time, because it has become a cult classic to sci-fi geeks since its release in 1997. People said that when it was released that it was terrible. I would not say that it’s terrible. I have some huge issues with the movie, but it was fun.

The film is based on the 1959 novel by Robert Heinlein. The plot revolves around Bueno Aires in the near future where a trio of friends, Johnny Rico (Casper Van Dien), Carmen (Denise Richards) and Carl (Neil Patrick Harris) are preparing to graduate from high school that think about what they are going to do with their lives.

They want to enroll in the Federal Service for different reasons. Carmen wants to be a pilot. Carl wants to understand alien species and Rico wants to be there just for Carmen.

After they leave for the Federal Service, the Arachnids attack Earth and thus starts the intergalactic war.

There is so much blood in this movie. It was like a slasher film. Decapitated, mangled, split-apart bodies strewn all over the place.

Watch out for a lot of explosions of red, green, and orange.

The movie was kick ass, but I have some problems with it.

• The teenagers were from Buenos Aires, but they were played by white actors.
• When Carmen gets punctured in the shoulder by an arachnid, ten minutes later she is holding a gun blowing the away.
• The dialogue was too campy for my taste. I had to laugh.
• The romantics rivals Dizzy and Zander (Dina Mayer, Patrick Muldoon) were outrageous.

Judgment: It was a fun ride, but you have to let a lot things go to enjoy it.

Rating: ***1/2

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008)

Gentleman, start your engines! It’s going to be a bumpy fuckin’ ride!

— Neil Patrick Harris

The latter part of my double feature in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The movie takes place the next day after the events of the last movie. Spoilers ahead. Beware.

Harold and Maria are together but she had to go to Amsterdam for work. It is perfect for Harold and Kumar because marijuana is legal there.

On the way to the airport, the duo meets Kumar’s ex-girlfriend, Vanessa (Danneel Harris) with her new fiancee, Colton Graham (Eric Winter).

Kumar is determined to win her back. On the airplane, Kumar smuggles some weed on the plane and pulls out a makeshift bong that looks like a bomb.

The duo is arrested and thrown in Guantanamo Bay.

I understand that the movie is trying to point of humorous finger at the attitude American has in a post-9/11 world, but it is so offensive to minorities, Southern people, gays, and women.

The movie is awful. The only saving grace was Neil Patrick Harris and his rainbow unicorn when he was tripping on mushrooms. NPH FTW!

Why was this movie made? How could Cho and Penn agree to be in this movie?

Judgment: Avoid this movie like the bubonic plague.

Rating: *1/2

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

Did Doogie Houser just steal my fucking car?

— Harold

I was bored on Saturday that I wanted to see a mindless form of entertainment. I thought why not a Harold and Kumar movie? I was going to get the one that was released last year, but I didn’t see the first movie, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. I decided to make it a double feature.

The plot of the movie is very simple. Harold (John Cho) is a stock analyst that has a bunch of new paperwork thrust upon him by his co-worker, Billy (Ethan Embry) so he could party with another co-worker, JD (Robert Tinkler). Harold tries to woo his sexy neighbor, Maria (Paula Garcés), but fails miserably in the process.

Harold and his roommate, Kumar (Kal Penn) get stoned and they watch an enticing commercial for the restaurant chain, White Castle. They decided to have their perfect meal at White Castle.

What happens over the next ten hours take the boys on a wild rise that includes a wild college party, an ugly repairman (Christopher Meloni) and his hot wife (Malin Ackerman), also a run-in with Neil Patrick Harris that is high on E.

There were some bathroom humor that I did not like, the “Battleshits” scene, some of the jokes fell flat. It seemed that Kumar looked more like his was stoned then Harold. The best part of the movie was the end and NPH.

Judgment: I would suggest this movie when you are bored and you want to make fun of two stoners for an hour and a half.

Rating: ***