Category Archives: Rauchy

She’s Out of My League (2010)

A 6? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole. I’m just being honest.

— Stainer

She’s Out of My League is one of those movies that I wanted to see, but it didn’t urge me to go actively seeking it out when it came out. All of the comedies this year try to be like the next Hangover or 40 Year Old Virgin, but they cannot live up to the expectation of those comparisons. Is this movie the next big thing? I would say no.

Jay Baruchel plays his typical awkward doormat with his squinty befuddlement as Kirk, a TSA security guard at the Pittsburgh International Airport – not exactly menacing – who is reeling from the break-up with his shrew of a girlfriend, Marnie (Lindsay Sloane) who is living with his parents with her new boyfriend, Ron (Hayes MacArthur). Kirk’s hodgepodge of friends all work in some capacity in the airport, Stainer (T. J. Miller), Devon (Nate Torrence), and Jack (Mike Vogel).

Kirk’s luck changed when the dream girl, Molly (Alice Eve) comes in the airport. Every man that she encounters turns into howling jackass including the quartet of friends. During the craziness of the security check point, Molly leaves her iPhone in one of the bins. She realizes this when she is on the plane with her friend, Patty (Krysten Ritter) when they have to fly for an event that she planned. Molly uses Patty’s phone to call the phone. Kirk answers and Molly want to thank him for recovering it by returning it to The Andy Warhol Museum the next night.

The next night, when Kirk returns the phone, Molly wants Kirk to stay even though he wasn’t invited. Things don’t go well when Molly’s sister, Katie (Kim Shaw) bumps into him thus spilling his drink on the museum director. It gets him kicked out. Feeling bad about what happened, Molly invites him to a hockey game.

At the game, things are complicated because Kirk thinks that Molly has set him up with Patty, but Patty corrects him that Molly wanted to be with him. This revelation blows him away that how can a goddess go out with a ferret like him. All of his family and friends are wondering the same thing like they are in a parallel universe.

At first, I thought that I was going to hate this movie because I didn’t laugh that much. The only saving grace with this movie was the foul-mouthed Strainer. It was entertaining to watch him giving Kirk half-assed advice.

The movie tried to the raunchy with the body fluids and all that. It was not that funny. I was silent. The other saving grace with the odd charm of Barchel as he wooed Alice Eve’s character.

There was a meaningless subplots like the married Devon (Nate Torrence) getting giddy about Molly’s other friend, Wendy (Jasika Nicole) likes him or Strainer’s strange relationship with the girl from the food court. There was also the part with Molly’s flyboy ex-boyfriend, Cam (Geoff Stults) trying to win her back. He was lazy at his attempt. He was very nonchalant about it and then we never see him again.

Judgment: It was a lazy attempt to try to motivate the average guys could get the hottie of their dreams.

Rating: **1/2

Get Him to the Greek (2010)

When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.

— Aldous Snow

When you hear the word “spin-off”, it usually means impending doom. I did not like Forgotten Sarah Marshall that much. I thought the only highlight of the film was Russell Brand’s Zen rocker character of Aldous Snow. Now, Aldous Snow has he own star vehicle, Get Him to the Greek. It seems like a bad idea to me. Coming away from it, I felt like it was great decision to do so.

We follow Aldous Snow as his new album, African Child is about to drop. There is a media blitz promotion the hell out of it. There is also a video of same name that he performs with his on and off girlfriend of seven years and baby’s mama, Jackie Q (Rose Byrne). When his album comes out, it’s a huge bomb. A devastated Snow pulls a Kanye/Blohan/Winestone with him boozing it up, taking blow, exposing his naughty bits and much worse. He goes underground for awhile.

Jonah Hill—not reprising his role of Matthew the Waiter—is Aaron Green, an intern working for Pinnacle Records. He and his live-in girlfriend, Daphne (Elisabeth Moss) are trying to have sex, but with her hellish schedule, they couldn’t. He is frustrated as all get out.

Aaron gets his ass chewed out along with his co-workers from their boss, Sergio (Sean Combs) from sagging sales of their artists as of late. Sergio wants to know what can be done to remedy their dire situation. Aaron thinks that they should have a reunion concert with Aldous Snow to commemorate the tenth anniversary of him playing the Greek Theater. The subsequent live album was the highest selling in history.

One month later, Snow– who is in London at his mom’s flat—agrees to the gig at the Greek. Since it was Aaron’s idea, Sergio asks Aaron to get Snow, bring him back to New York for a stop at the Today Show and his aforementioned concert at the Greek all within 72 hours.

Aaron thinks it’s just a simple escort trip, but that would be boring. When the shit hits the fan, it splatters everywhere. Daphne breaks up with Aaron, because he doesn’t want to move to Seattle to recreate Grey’s Anatomy. In London, Aldous thought that the gig was in two months instead of three days. Let’s just say that he is unwilling to go unless he goes on his last bender before going to the States. He takes Aaron on his trip of sex, drugs and rock & roll.

This movie is vulgar, offensive and deplorable and I loved it for that. It didn’t give us frank and beans like Marshall did, but it did have its moments. I never thought that I would say this, but Puff Daddy – Puffy – P. Diddy – Sean Combs stole every since that he was in. I laugh my ass off when he came on screen. There are celebrity cameos up the wazoo like P!ink, Meredith Viera, Mario Lopez, Lars Ullrich, and many more. It seems like the long episode of Entourage.

This movie is not the next Hangover, but it does have its moments. I didn’t like the subplot with Aldous and Jackie Q– who supposed to be a parody of Fergie—which I didn’t get. The ending took the bromance a little bit too far. Like Marshall, it has pop culture references that would not mean shit int twenty years. It would seriously date the movie.

Judgment: I cannot believe that I would like a spin-off better than its predecessor.

Rating: ****

MacGruber (2010)

MacGruber don’t play like homie, and homie don’t play that game.

— MacGruber

Saturday Night Live is trying to harken back to the days that they had successful spin-offs of their characters like the Blues Brothers in The Blues Brothers or Wayne and Garth in the Wayne’s World franchise instead of the less than great ones like Superstar, Night at the Roxbury, It’s Pat and The Ladies’ Man. Will Forte translates his famous bumbling hero MacGruber in this big screen adaptation. Does this break the curse? The answer is a resounding no.

I have to admit I have seen bits and pieces of the sketches. I got the jest of them. MacGruber is in a situation where there are explosives and he has to disarm it, but he blows himself up and everyone around him instead. How do you make that into a movie? This movie tries to play it completely straight, but makes fun of those typical eighties action movies.

Col. James Faith (Power Boothe) tracks down the only American hero that has earned the rank of Green Beret, Navy SEAL and Army Ranger and was awarded sixteen purple hearts, three Congressional Medals of Honor and seven presidential medals of bravery at a monastery in Pueblo, New Mexico. I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention to the details.

He has Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Philippe) in tow to find a guy that was presumed dead for a decade after MacGruber’s fiancée, Casey (Maya Rudolph) was killed at the alter by the evil Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer). He is up to his old tricks when Von Cunth orchestrates a massacre in Siberia in order to steal a nuclear warhead, the X-5. Inexplicably, the U.S. government could only turn to this bumbling idiot to help stop Von Cunth.

Col. Faith wants MacGruber to have the inexperienced Lt. Piper as the part of his team. MacGruber declines because he doesn’t like him. Plain and simple. MacGruber tries to assemble his own team with a bunch of old friends that are real-life wrestlers: Frank Korver (Chris Jericho), Tut Beemer (Mark Henry), Vernon Freedom (MVP), Tug Phelps (The Great Khali), and Tanker Lutz (Kane).

When the team are about to depart, MacGruber’s homemade C-4 bombs accidentally kill his team. His second team now includes Piper and a former team member of MacGruber’s, Vicki St. Elmo (Kirsten Wiig). She is hesitant about reteaming with MacGruber who has a “budding music career.” She quickly drops that to go on the idiotic journey with MacGruber.

I was wrestling with the movie when the credits rolled. I kinda liked it, but it some things did not work at all. The only things that I laughed at when the sexual humor, the sex scene and the scene with the celery. That’s it. Everything else was dead in the water to me. I can’t pontificate anymore about this.

Judgment: Another SNL movie going into the Hall of Shame.

Rating: **

The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)

You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!

— Andy Stitzer

It has been a while since I have seen Judd Apatow’s breakout movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin. I owned the unrated edition before I had to sell it. Boo. No matter how many times I watched this movie, I still get a kick out of it.

If you don’t know the premise of the movie, you should be ashamed of yourself. Stop reading this review now and watch this movie. For the rest of you, I will give you a refresher. Steve Carell plays Andy, an introverted that leads a solitary life with his gaming chair, painting small figurines and endless toys that have never been taken out of the box. He doesn’t have a car. He rides his bike to work at Smart Tech, which is like Radio Shack.

Andy doesn’t fit in with his co-workers, particularly with the womanizing Jay (Romany Malco), wound up Cal (Seth Rogen) and romantically forlorn David (Paul Rudd). As by some miracle, they invite Andy to a poker game after store hours that night. Andy playing online for hours at time gave the wherewithal to wipe the floor with them.

The conversation turns to sex when they relay horror stories about when Jay talks about the freaky shit he has done with his jump-off behind his girlfriend, Jill’s (Erica Vittina Phillips) back, a dog giving Cal anal-lingus during sex or David rambles on about making love to his ex-girlfriend, Amy (Mindy Kaling). When it comes to Andy, he tries to bullshit he way with a story and the guys call him out on it. It turns out that Andy is virgin. Their mission to get Andy laid. With Andy’s secret out, he is afraid that the whole store will know.

The next day, everything seems to be normal, but it’s normal. Everybody knows including the store manager, Paula (Jane Lynch). Andy wants to escape from the embarrassment. David tries to calm Andy down. Andy tells David about his failed attempts of getting laid. David wants to make it up to Andy by inviting him to be with the guys again with no pressure about having sex.

Jay doesn’t wanna hear that. He wants Andy to scam a sloppy drunk that is on the verge of passing out and Nicky (Leslie Mann) enters from a bachelorette party. Andy and Nicky seem to hit it off and leave together in her car. Things spin out of control real fast when she bobs and weaves out of traffic, crashing her car with another and blew chucks at him. The fellas have a chuckle afterward when Andy tells them.

Things were about to change when a customer, Trish (Catherine Keener) comes into the store looking for help for a VCR. They quickly disappear leaving Andy to deal with her. Andy convinces her to get a DVD/VCR combo; in turn Trish is a shop owner at a place called “We Sell Your Stuff on eBay Store”. She invites Andy to check out the store and gives Andy her number. The fellas go out a celebrate Andy’s first step in order to have sex. They try to loosen up his clean cut exterior. Will it impress Trish?

I thought the climatic scene between Trish and Andy was silly. How the hell did she get into his apartment? When Andy tried to call Trish a couple of times how come she didn’t know it was his number. She doesn’t have caller ID. The dance sequence at the end? Maybe that is nitpicking.

Judgment: There is a poignant story of love inside a raunchy comedy.

Rating: ****1/2

Cop Out (2010)

When I heard that Kevin Smith was making a movie that was not written by him, I thought it was nice change of pace for him to expand his horizons. Cop Out was the finished product of the spec script A Couple of Dicks written by the Cullen Brothers that was listed on the 2008 Black List of the best unproduced screenplays. Given that, this movie was like a fish flapping around the floor.

Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan play the most the unlikely NYC cop partners for nine years, Jimmy Monroe and Paul Hodges. They have a suspect in the interrogation room, Raul (Juan Carlos Hernández) who they want to wrestle some info about a major drug exchange happening. Hodges wants to take over the duties, but Monroe is the more serious of the duo. When Hodges bursts into the room, he unleashes a cavalcade of cheesy one-liners from literally every movie in existence.

Worn down from the assault on his eardrums, Juan gives up the deets for the drop later that afternoon with a local gang member, Juan Diaz (Cory Fernandez) at his cell phone store. The partners go undercover with Hodges dressed as giant cell phone and Monroe being the lookout.

The deal goes bad when the informant tips Juan that he was a snitch. Juan is killed. They try to capture Juan, but he gets away. Their boss, Captain Romans (Sean Cullen) suspends them for thirty days without for botching the job and not informing the local gang task force who consisted of Hunsaker (Kevin Pollack) and Barry Mangold (Adam Brody). Jimmy doesn’t want that because his daughter, Ava (Michelle Trachtenberg) is getting married in six weeks. He needs at least $50,000 to pay for her dream wedding.

Not having a job, Monroe thinks of selling his most prized possession; a 1952 Eddie Palko baseball card. When Jimmy tries to his card to a collector, Big Al (Keith Joe Dick) the place is robbed by Dave (Seann William Scott) and his friend (Ernest O’Donnell). They tase Jimmy, steal his card and the gun that came from Paul glove compartment with his spars badges.

Jimmy noticed a distinctive tattoo on Dave’s forearm. They track him down to a beach house breaking into it “Crouching Tiger” style. With Dave in custody, he tries to distract with repeating Paul ala Michael Scott when he’s upset and telling knock-knock jokes. They handcuff Dave to the back of their car. Dave calls their bluff. He is dragged behind. Dave tells them that he has sold Jimmy’s card and Paul’s gun to a local gang leader, Poh Boy (Guillermo Díaz) so he could get high.

In a meeting with him, Poh Boy being an avid baseball collector wants Monroe and Hodges to trade. If they could bring back Poh Boy’s black Mercedes with precious cargo inside, then he could give Monroe his baseball card back.

I saw that the movie was getting some mostly negative reviews. I wanted to see how bad the movie is. It’s not bad. It feels uninspired. It’s like Kevin Smith didn’t care about the material, even though the material is laughably bad with the subplots about Hodge’s wife, Debbie (Rashida Jones) maybe cheating on him, the fascination of Mangold with a pair of cowboy boots, and countless other. I did not believe Tracy Morgan’s character in this movie. I did not believe that the bumbling idiots would be a cop for more than ten minutes, let alone nine years. Willis was okay playing another cop. Scott was fucking annoying as hell. Why was he there?

This movie didn’t know what it was supposed to be. It is supposed to be a buddy comedy? Is it supposed to be a gritty action flick? Is it supposed to be a parody of those movies? I was left bewildered by the end. This is on par with the Project Greenlight made movie to me.

Judgment: This movie fails on every single level.

Rating: *1/2

The Ugly Truth (2009)

ugly_truth_ver2

You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.

— Mike

I was shocked that The Ugly Truth is still playing at my local theater. I heard the bad buzz surrounding this movie, but I was bored. I needed something to distract me before Where the Wild Things Are opens. Besides, I heard from on interview with Jimmy Kimmel that Eric Winter bares his ass in the movie. I want to go to there. (If you know where that’s from, you are my friend for life.)

Katherine Heigl unintentionally recreates her character from Knocked Up by playing Abby. She is an uptight hypercritical ice queen, who produces a fledgling morning show with co-anchors, Larry and Georgia (John Michael Higgins, Cheryl Hines).

One night, she stumbles upon a crass, misogynistic guy named Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler) from channel 83, who hosts a cable access show called “The Ugly Truth.” In one conversation, he deconstructed her type A personality in one fell swoop.

The next day, the bosses at the station hire Mike as a guest commentator to give their ratings a boost. After his first day, the ratings are through the roof. Abby doesn’t want Mike anyway near in front of the camera.

She thinks she has found her Mr. Right in Dr. Colin Anderson (Winter) whom she met when she sprained her ankle while getting her cat of the tree in their apartment building they share. She wants to know how to get him. Inadvertently, Mike becomes her personal relationship expert.

In any typical cookie-cutter romantic comedy, complications occur and the two leads find some inexplicable way to fall in love with each other. Have some comedy of errors that leaves them broken up, then one of the lovebirds towards the other, they kiss and live happily ever after.

Hold up! Why on the God’s green earth does this woman end up with this man? He is a Neanderthal. Why is she remotely interested in him? Because he put up a wall that had been broken from relationships past. Give me a fucking break!

This crass ogre of man that has no respect for women or any sense of decorum would fall head over heels in love with the neurotic, OCD woman that measures a man’s worth with her “top ten list.”

I want to know. When she falls in love, marries and has children with this man, his gutter-butt, talking with his little head rants will be circulating around in some future version of YouTube. Would Abby proud announce that that this was your father? Every hateful, amoral, spiteful, venomous, vindictive word that had ever come out of his mouth.

Speaking of mouths, did Mike have Bell’s Palsy? He’s giving me a Drew Barrymore talking out of the side of your mouth type thing. He also looked a little bloated with his chipmunk cheeks. There I said it.

I cannot believe that this movie has been made. It’s so offensive that my mouth was agape at times. There were some laughs, but it had to go to the lowest common denominator to get those laughs out of you.

Judgment: Avoid this movie at all costs. Trust me.

Rating: *1/2

Clerks. (1994)

clerks

I’m not even supposed to be here today!

— Dante Hicks

This is the first time I have seen Kevin Smith’s breakthrough film, Clerks. Since its release in 1994, it has a cult following with people who follow Smith. This film reeks with Smith’s staples raunchy, obscenity filled, witty dialogue. It’s not a masterpiece, but it was a enjoyable ride.

The movie revolves around the day of the life of Dante (Brian O’Halloran), a lonely convenience store worker that is trying to get through the day. He is called into work on his day off to open up the store. He doesn’t want to deal with the riffraff that comes into the store everyday.

This is a mundane take on twenty-something people that are living their unremarkable lives. Dante is friends with Randal (Jeff Anderson) who works a crappy video store that is attached the store. Randal is an abrasive personality that rubs Dante the wrong way.

Dante has to deal with his girlfriend, Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) always prodding him to do something with his life instead of working at the convenience store. Dante still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Caitlin (Lisa Spoonauer), who he finds out in getting married.

Throughout of the movie, Dante and Randal have to deal with multiple customers with some serious problems. Have Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith) loitering in front of the store selling drugs and such.

A movie shot entirely in black and white was a good choice to convey how lifeless these characters lives are. O’Halloran had some very good moments in this film. There was a long continuous shot between two characters that lasted roughly five minutes was great.

That being said, this movie is not all good. Some of the sequences dragged on a bit too much. I don’ know if Smith wanted the customers to be overtly quirky and insane. The character of Randal is such a dick; I don’t understand how Dante could be friends with him.

Judgment: All and all, not the greatest movie ever, but an interesting take on people trying to find their way in the world.

Rating: ***1/2

Shortbus (2006)

shortbus

These bitches sucking cock and eating ass… then they show up at the buffet and say they’re vegan.

— Justin Bond

I am familiar with John Cameron Mitchell’s work, thoroughly enjoying his transsexual rock musical, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I eagerly wanted for his follow-up. Now, we have Shortbus. It’s not going to be a classic film, but a suitable one.

The focus of film is on Jaime (PJ Deboy) and James’ (Paul Dawson) relationship. They have been together for five years that are thinking about opening up their relationship. James is severely depressed. James carries around a video camera to record his life for a pet project of his that he is keeping secret from Jaime.

They go to see Dr. Sofia Lin (Sook-Yin Kim), a couple’s counselor that is having trouble achieving an orgasm from her husband, Rob (Raphael Barker). The couple tells Sofia about a sex club called “Shortbus”. Justin Bond is the mistress of the club that shows Sofia around the place.

She befriends Severin (Lindsay Beamish), a dominatrix that is looking for a meaningful relationship. They try to fix each other’s problems.

Jaime and James find a possible third partner in their relationship, Ceth (Jay Brannan). They should be happy, right? Nothing is, as it seems. There is a neighbor across the way that is obsessed with James, Caleb (Peter Stickles).

The movie tackles the topic of relationships and all that comes along with that; love, commitment, monogamy and sex. It’s infamously known that the unknown actors had un-simulated sex in the movie. I think that Mitchell wanted to have an honest portrayal of what two people is thinking, feeling, acting in a couple. You cannot shy away from sex. It’s a part of life and we should not be a afraid of it.

The core message of the film is connection in whatever configuration that might be. That tired saying, “find your bliss” can be applied here.

I understand Mitchell’s intentions with the film. I enjoyed two-thirds of this film, but the last falls off the rails into some weird shit.

Judgment: If you want to see somebody sing the national anthem into somebody’s ass, watch this film.

Rating: ***1/2

The Hangover (2009)

the_hangover_movie_poster

Counting cards isn’t illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane… Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!

— Alan Garner

Breaking from my classic movie theme, The Hangover is currently #131 on Top 250 of all time on IMDB. This movie is so good. Words cannot describe how awesome this movie is to watch.

The premise is explained in the trailer. On the day of Doug’s (Justin Bartha) wedding, he goes missing after a wild night that the rest of the gang cannot remember.

The movie flashes back two days earlier to Doug talking to his future brother-in-law, Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis), who is like a idiot savant. He is not friendly with Doug’s other friends, the cocky schoolteacher, Phil (Bradley Cooper) and the dorky dentist, Stu (Ed Helms).

Borrowing Alan’s father’s (Jeffrey Tambor) classic gray Mercedes, the quartet head out towards Sin City for Doug’s bachelor party. After a night of drinking, the guys wake up to a trashed hotel room, a tiger in the bathroom, a chicken and a baby in the closet.

Throughout the course of the movie, the guys have to figure out what happened to Doug and what happened during the time that they blacked out. This leads towards some unexpected situations that they have to confront.

At first glance, you would never think about these three guys as friends, but it works on so many levels. Perfect casting choices.

Bradley Cooper is getting most of the praise in this movie, but Zach Galifianakis was gut-bursting funny. Hands down.

The movie is not perfect. Some of the action set pieces were too convenient that all of the people with guns knew where the trio was at all times.

Judgment: To relieve from a shitty blockbuster summer, take two viewing of this movie and call me in the morning.

Rating: ****1/2

Superbad (2007)

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You know when you hear girls say ‘Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn’t have fucked that guy?’ We could be that mistake!

— Seth

Before seeing Greg Mattola’s latest movie, I wanted to revisit another movie of his that at first I hated with a passion at first, Superbad. I saw a bootlegged version of this movie that one of my relatives had and I watched it. I was turned off by the movie after five minutes.

No normal teenage boy talks like this. I was a teenager once. Teenagers talks about sex about ten percent of the time. They talk about clothes, movies, video games, cars, shoes, hair cuts, etc. I decided to let that go.

This is the first produced screenplay by the team of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg.

The main focus of the movie is about three high school friends; Evan (Michael Cera), Seth (Jonah Hill), and Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) trying to get alcohol into a party at Jules’ (Emma Stone) house.

The movie is not complicated. It’s like a road trip movie, but not. It like the new millennium’s version of American Pie.

I have never laughed so hard in my life. The scenes with the penis drawings, Fogell going on patrol with Officers Michaels (Rogen) and Slater (Bill Hader).

I did have some problems with period joke. The endless barfing scenes. I could deal without them. We get it. People are drunk. Let them pass out, piss on themselves, something.

Judgment: If you want to see drunk teenagers trying to get laid, see this movie.

Rating: ****

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