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The Back-Up Plan (2010)

I have a feeling you and CRM-1014 are going to make beautiful babies together.

— Dr. Scott Harris

The only reason why I wanted to see The Back-up Plan is because I wanted to see Alex O’Loughlin shirtless. That’s it. I didn’t care about the ridiculous plot, the cookie cutter storyline or the one dimensional characters. I wanted to see him take his top off. That is all.

Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) is a pet store owner that is tired of going the traditional route of finding a guy, getting married and have a family. She is tired of dating losers. She decides to cut out the middle man and be artificially inseminated by Dr. Scott Harris (Robert Klein) with sperm number CRM-1014.

After leaving the doctor’s office, Zoe has a feeling of euphoria. Like she is living in a world full of rainbows and unicorns, when she tries to hail a cab and another guy, Stan (O’Loughlin) get in the same cab she does. Here is the meet-cute. Isn’t that nauseating to watch? Where the fuck did he come from? He must have flew across the street to not get hit by a car. They fight over the cab until both of them get out in frustration. They bump into each other again at the subway. Coincidence? Hmm…

Zoe joins a support group for single mothers headed up by Carol (Melissa McCarthy). They are content about not  having men in their lives. Zoe had yet another run-in with Stan at a farmer’s market when he at a booth selling cheese from his farm, Little Goat. they have a little miscommunication when they meet again — small world — at a book signing for the Dog Whisper,  Caesar Milan. Stan asks her out on a date.

Things are moving fast when Zoe finds out that she is pregnant– not by Stan, but by the sperm she purchased at the sperm bank. How can Zoe tell Stan about what she has done? Will he forgive her?

The movie is fluff. That’s all it is. I am not surprised that the movie is not good. I expected it. The only good thing about this movie is you guessed it, topless Alex O’Loughin. It is nice to see.

Judgment: I suggest googling Alex’ pics from this movie online. Don’t bother with this movie.

Rating: 5/10

The Departed (2006)

departed

When I was growing up, they would say you could become cops or criminals. But what I’m saying is this. When you’re facing a loaded gun, what’s the difference?

— Frank Costello

The winner of Best Pictures in 2006, The Departed won four Oscars including, Best Director for Martin Scorsese, Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Editing. It currently at the time of this posting #52 of the Top 250 of all time on IMDB.

I have not watched this movie in its entirety before last night. I tried to watch it one time a couple of months ago when it was on the cable. I was so annoyed by the overwhelming Bostonian accents that I shut it off. I don’t know why, but I have a hang up with the Bostonian accent. It bugs the hell out of me.

This movie was the American remake of the 2002 Hong Kong thriller, Infernal Affairs that I haven’t seen yet.

The plot revolves around two cadets, Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon). Costingan is recruited to go undercover by Capt. Queenan (Martin Sheen) and Dignam (Mark Wahlberg) to help take down crime boss, Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson).

Sullivan is secretly working for Costello who help raise him from when he was a little boy.

As the two men go deeper with “Who is the rat?” and “Who is the mole?”, revelations come out that lead to tragic consequences.

I have seen some of Martin Scorsese’s movies. I don’t think that this movie is his finest work. I have some issues with Jack Nicholson’s laughable characterization, the quick cuts, the convenient plot twists that I saw from mile away, the last shot of the film and numerous others.

I was bored during the first hour of this 2 1/2 hour opus. A whole bunch of talking that needed to trimmed are jettisoned all together. When the plot twist that happens at the hour mark, then I was invested in the film. It was uneven to me.

Judgment: If you want to see smart characters, a head shot extravaganza and Jack Nicholson’s hilarious performance, I would suggest this film.

Rating: ****

Hustle & Flow (2005)

hustle_and_flow

Everybody gotta have a dream.

— DJay

Saturday night, I was flipping through the channels and I saw that Hustle & Flow was on Mtv. I was most pleasant of surprises. I did see the movie a couple of times before.

When it was released in theaters in 2005, I avoided it when I saw the trailer. I thought that it was another “pimp and ho” movie that I don’t want to see. Right around Oscar time when Terrence Howard was nominated for an Oscar and “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” won, it came on my radar.

People were saying that this movie was good and transcended the “pimp and ho” movie.

DJay (Terrence Howard) is an uneducated pimp that is hustling in Memphis, Tennessee. He lives with his pros, Nola (Taryn Manning) and Shug (Taraji P. Henson), who is pregnant from a trick.

He is struggling to keep himself afloat when one day he finds a small keyboard. He writes his raps down. He hooks up with a rookie producer, Key (Anthony Anderson) and a whiz kid keyboardist, Shelby (DJ Qualls).

They create beautiful music together.

Judgment: If you want to see great acting, infectious songs, then watch this movie.

Rating: ****

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

Did Doogie Houser just steal my fucking car?
— Harold

I was bored on Saturday that I wanted to see a mindless form of entertainment. I thought why not a Harold and Kumar movie? I was going to get the one that was released last year, but I didn’t see the first movie, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. I decided to make it a double feature.

The plot of the movie is very simple. Harold (John Cho) is a stock analyst that has a bunch of new paperwork thrust upon him by his co-worker, Billy (Ethan Embry) so he could party with another co-worker, JD (Robert Tinkler). Harold tries to woo his sexy neighbor, Maria (Paula Garcés), but fails miserably in the process.

Harold and his roommate, Kumar (Kal Penn) get stoned and they watch an enticing commercial for the restaurant chain, White Castle. They decided to have their perfect meal at White Castle.

What happens over the next ten hours take the boys on a wild rise that includes a wild college party, an ugly repairman (Christopher Meloni) and his hot wife (Malin Ackerman), also a run-in with Neil Patrick Harris that is high on E.

There were some bathroom humor that I did not like, the “Battleshits” scene, some of the jokes fell flat. It seemed that Kumar looked more like his was stoned then Harold. The best part of the movie was the end and NPH.

Judgment: I would suggest this movie when you are bored and you want to make fun of two stoners for an hour and a half.

Rating: ***

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