Predators (2010)

They can hear you. Smell you. They see you.

— Noland

It has been a while since I have seen the first Predator movie. It freaked me out with that Rastafarian alien with the jacked up grill. I did not see the sequel with Danny Glover. Now, the sequel cleverly titled Predators has come out with Adrien Brody and Topher Grace as the leads. I thought, really? They are not the bad ass motherfuckers that could kick serious ass. After watching the movie, I might have to eat crow.

A former Special Force soldier, Royce (Brody) wakes up during a free fall into the jungle below. When he lands, he unceremoniously welcomed by a drug cartel dealer, Cuchillo (Danny Trejo) who thinks that he is a spy. The duo is suddenly under attack by machine gun fire by a Russian Spetsnaz soldier, Nikolai (Oleg Taktarov). They find more people that have survived the drop like IDF black ops sniper,  Isabelle (Alice Braga), RUF officer, Mombasa (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali), Death Row inmate, Stans (Walton Goggins), Yakuza enforcer, Hanzo (Louis Ozawa Changchien), and odd man out, Dr. Edwin (Grace).

They are confused about where they are or why these particular people are brought together. Royce becomes the unofficial leader of this group of strangers into a strange environment. Deeper into the forest clues about other people that have perished there suggests that they are pitted together in a sort of battle royale contest where they are the prey.

The jungle is filled with booby traps by the beings that are controlling their every move. Mombasa notices a presence in the trees, but thinks nothing of it. When the instance happens again with something jumping through the trees in stealth speed, they figure that something alien is toying with them.

The plot of the movie is the brainchild of Robert Rodriguez who developed it over fifteen years ago. He couldn’t get this movie off the ground, because it was deemed too much of finical risk. This movie was made for $40 million. You could afford that Fox. As the audience we know about the Predators and what the strengths and weaknesses are. Having to go through that again would wear you down.

I have a major gripe here. The movie is called “Predators”. Plural. I was expecting a shit ton of them gunning after the renegade group of people. I saw that in one scene. What the fuck? I thought a whole bunch of motherfuckers who get after their asses. Basically, one is after them. I’m sorry. Back to the drawing board, Mr. Rodriguez.

The action sequences were fine. Some where WTF with a sword fight the jungle and dueling Predators. Really? it was bogged down with that slow exposition scene with the longest survivor of the Predator planet, Noland (Laurence Fishburne). I thought that he was miscast in the role. If Gary Busey got in there or something. I know he was in the sequel, but still I wanted somebody batshit crazy there.

The big reveal in the end of the movie. I saw coming from a mile away. It was contrived. It did not fit in the story at all. It was like a scary movie reveal. Whatever.

The only thing I marginally liked about this movie was Adrien Brody. Who knew that the emaciated guy from The Pianist would be a convincing action hero? Sure, he has the gravelly Christian Bale’s Batman voice going on, but I liked the way he did things, especially towards the end.

Judgment: This is not worthy successor to the Predator name.

Rating: **1/2