Paranormal Activity (2009)

(The following review will reveal spoilers for the movie. In addition, there will be some coarse language. Don’t let the kiddies read any further.)

Paranormal Activity has come out of nowhere and has become the talk of the town for almost a month now. I wasn’t intending on seeing this movie, seeing that I am a scaredy cat. This is the first entry to my “Creep-A-Thon” so I wanted to do it right by watching the film at night. After watching the film, I picked the wrong one to start this off.

The movie is supposedly salvaged 2006 footage from a San Diego couple, Micah and Katie that feel that their house is haunted. Micah buys an HD video camera to set it up in the bedroom to record any kind of activity that is in happening.

Kate feels that something is after her. They call a psychic, Dr. Mark Fredrichs, to tell him what is going on. After describing the happenings within the house, Kate reveals to the psychic that a spirit had been following her since she was eight. The presence would go away and come back during traumatic moments in her life.

Fearing that the spirit has followed her, the psychic tells them to seek out a demonologist. The psychic warns them not to provoke the demon by threatening it or using an Ouija board.

Micah tries an experiment by taping themselves sleeping and sees what happens afterward. He dissuades Kate from calling the demonologist to see if they are in any danger. After the next couple of nights, incidents happen and they escalate when Micah tries to do battle with the demon.

Personally, I was fucking bored with this movie. I didn’t care about these complete idiots taping themselves. Am I supposed to be scared by a fucking shadow? A burning Ouija board? Powdery footprints? Wind?

I kinda like Kate for the most part, but Micah got on my nerves. I need to ask this, is he retarded? For real, this douchebag thinks that he could do battle with a demonic figure. When the shit goes down, why didn’t Kate call the demonologist? The only thing he cares about is taping everything that they do. Who cares, you stupid fuck! I hated almost every second that he was on screen. By the end, I wanted him to die.

I heard that there was going to be an extra scene. I have no fucking idea what it was. What it the ending? The ending was a fright when Katie gets all “Regan” on Micah and he flies towards the camera. That was a jump moment.

I tried my best not to watch any trailers or the new TV promos running without the audience reactions. This movie was supposed to come out in 2007. It was sitting on the shelf and the studios came up with this “demand it!” campaign to build up the hype. Brilliant marketing for a shitty movie.

If it was supposed to be atmospheric than straight up horror, it was mildly successful for a split second. I felt cheated.

Judgment: I rather see my grandmother buck-naked doing jumping jacks and squat thrusts than see this movie again. That would be scarier that this pile of a movie.

Rating: *