X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

I’m coming for blood, no code of conduct, no law.

— Logan

Warning: The following review will contain plot points and spoilers for the movie that I am discussing. Be advised.

I was not looking forward to this movie, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, because I thought it would destroy the mystery surrounding Wolverine in the X-Men trilogy. Why should you tell his origin story? It’s not that interesting watching it in retrospect. Why should it even been told?

I ranted about the behind-the-scenes chaos of the re-shoots, the limitless retcons, Fox wanting to have more mutants in the film, and the work print leaking online on April’s Fool Day on a previous entry. I will not get into that on this review.

I have to clarify that the reason for the re-shoots was that Ryan Reynolds was filming this movie and The Proposal at the same time.

The movie starts off wrong with the action taking place in Northwest Territories in Canada, circa 1840s. (If you have read Roger Ebert’s review of the film then you will know why.) A young Logan aka James Howlett (Troye Sivan) sick in bed. Comic book geeks, help me out here, how could somebody that could heal himself and never die, get sick?

An incident happens that reveals the identity of James’ true father. He discovers that he has jagged bone claws sprouting from between his knuckles. (I will poke a hole in this theory later on in the review.) His brother, young Victor (Michael James Olsen) whisked him away from the home. They spend the next century fighting in the different wars. Why am I getting a “Button” feeling in my gut?

After the two brothers survive a fire squad execution during the Vietnam War, James (Hugh Jackman) and Victor (Liev Schreiber) are approached by Col. William Stryker (Danny Huston) that wants to recruit them into a special team for incorporate their powers.

On a mission in Nigeria, the group consisting of super-strong Fred Dukes (Kevin Durand), the teleporter Wraith (will.i.am), the expert marksman Agent Zero (Daniel Henney), the mercenary Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds)– who is doing the same shtick from Blade: Trinity— and one that could manipulate machines, Bolt (Dominic Monaghan) break into a building to find a meteorite. (Wait, this is important later on.)

The group tries to coax a tribe leader to spills information about the meteorite. Stryker order the group to kill the villagers. James doesn’t want to do that and leaves the group.

A couple of years later, we find James– now going by “Logan” — living back in the Canadian Rockies with Kayla Silverfox (Lynn Collins). He works as a lumberjack. Is doesn’t surprise me. His past comes back when Stryker comes back to warn about Victor, now Sabretooth, killing off some members of the team. Kayla is caught in the middle.

After her death, Logan goes back with Stryker to seek revenge on Sabertooth. The rock that the team took from Nigeria was the adamantium, the super-steel that infused to Logan’s skeleton was make him virtually indestructible.

After the procedure is done, Logan now coined himself “Wolverine” overhears Styrker’s plot to inject Logan’s healing ability into Weapon XI, a “super mutant killer” that will have to powers of Wraith, Logan, Bolt and a high schooler, Scott Summers’ (Tim Pocock) optic blast.

Wolverine breaks out of the tank with his new smooth adamantium claws. In the beginning of the movie, his bone claws are jagged. When the adamantium is fused to his bones, the claws are smooth and sharp. Somebody please explain that notion to me.

Agent Zero shoots at him. Dummy, get can’t killed. No matter how many regular bullets you pump into hm. He jumps out, streaking the entire facility and an elderly couple driving by.

Logan goes to Las Vegas to visit his old friend, Dukes who is not “The Blob.” He reconfirms Wolverine’s suspensions about Stryker creating a super mutant on “The Island.” Thank you for the “Lost” reference. Blob tells him about a mutant that escaped from there, Remy LeBeau aka Gambit (Taylor Kitsch). He goes to New Orleans to track him down.

Another action scene happens, Gambit and Wolverine end up in Three Mile Island by a dinky plane of Gambit’s. Wolverine discovers that Victor and Stryker have been working together. He discovers that Kayla is alive. Now, looking back at the scene where Logan discovers Kayla, he didn’t bury her if she was dead. If you loved her so much, he could have had the decency to bury her.

Wolverine fights Sabretooth of the last time in this movie. Blah!Wolverine frees the other trapped mutants including Scott and Kayla’s little sister, Emma Frost (Tahnya Tozzi). Having Professor X show up with whisk the children away was cool.

Then, here’s comes Deadpool aka Weapon XI aka Wade Wilson with his bald head, tattoos, and sewn mouth. It looked so awful that I laughed. They fight. It was quite good, then Sabretooth shows back up to fight alongside Wolverine to defeat Deadpool.

The moments of the movie when Stryker shoots Wolverine with the adamantium bullets to make him lose his memory, Kayla, with her power of persuasion, orders Stryker to walk until his toes bleed. It was so melodramatic. Do we really need that? No.

You heard the news that Fox has attached multiple endings to movie including ones with Stryker, Wolverine, and Deadpool. It was unnecessary. My version was Stryker’s. Whatever.

I was surprised that this movie is rated “PG-13.” This film was pushing it to an “R” with two minute nude scene of Wolverine, the cursing, endless headshots and people’s heads getting chopped off. You allow this movie to be “PG-13”, MPAA? Have you lost your minds?

It is not the director, Gavin Hood’s fault that this movie sucks. It’s the studio’s. They are trying to turn this movie into another “X-Men” like movie, cramming too many characters in here. It doesn’t work. The story is muddled down. The others are barely a blip in the movie. Why waste their time and yours watching this train wreck?

That’s too harsh. The movie is not awful. The actions sequencers were descent and the nude scene with Hugh Jackman were the only good highlights of this hot mess of a film. I did not buy the love story with Logan and Kayla

Judgment: The only reason to enjoy this movie is getting an adamantium bullet shot into your brain to forget that you ever saw it.

Rating: ** 1/2