Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Where’s my fucking pumper?

— Chev Chielos

After I was surprised that enjoyed the batshit crazy movie Crank by directors Neveldine/Taylor, here comes the WTF sequel to the film, Crank: High Voltage. I didn’t see this movie in the theaters because of the bad buzz surrounding it. It tried to top everything that happened in the first movie that nobody could enjoy it.

If you haven’t seen the first movie, I will spoil the ending to that movie to introduce this movie. Be warned.

Picking up three months where the first movie left off, Chev Cheilos (Jason Statham) falls to his supposed death on the concrete after killing the bad guy in a helicopter. His body is quickly recovered by the Chinese mob, The Traids where a pair of surgeons in a dingy backroom promptly cut out his heart and replaces it with an artificial one. Chev quickly dispenses both of them when the new heart starts up.

He gets the name of the person that his “strawberry tart”, Johnny Vang (Art Hsu) from a thug that he sodomized with a lubed shotgun. He has taken his heart in a cooler to an old man named Poon Dong (David Carradine). The one heart that would continue to beat after a person was clinically dead.

Chev realizes that he is attached to a monitoring machine that measures how much power the heart has left. He calls Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakum) to tell him that he doesn’t have time to repower. He gets into a car crash that destroys the device. The only thing he could do is create static electricity to keep it pumping.

He goes to the Cypress Social Club where some of the Triads are at and cleans house trying to find Vang Vang narrowly escapes with the cooler in his hands. Chev meets a hooker, Ria (Bai Ling) who knows where Johnny Vang is at, a local titty bar where Chev’s girlfriend, Eve (Amy Grant) is dancing at. Thinking that Chev was dead, Amy tried to make a living.

In a backroom, Johnny is roughed up by a rival gang member, Chico (Joseph Julian Soria). Chico wants to get the heart for his boss, El Huron (Clifton Collins, Jr.) who wants to settle a debt. Johnny wants to make a deal. There is a confrontation with the gang and Chev with a shoot-out in the club. Vang slips away again.

The police catch up with Chev for the bloodbath at the strip club and what happened three months earlier. He meets Venus (Efren Ramierz) who is the twin brother of Kaylo who was killed in the first movie. Venus has full body Tourette’s. He tries to make any way to receive an electrical charge from tasers to shock collars to dry humping an old lady. Chev goes to the Hollywood Horse Track to find Vang and get his heart back.

I checked my brain at the door when I saw the first movie. This movie is ridiculous with the quick cuts, the non-stop action, the score were too much for me to handle. It was like this movie was on crack. There are no words to express how insane this movie is. Wait a minute. I have three words for you, “Godzilla fighting sequence.”

Judgment: I cannot recommend this movie that anyone that this sober. You have to be a crystal meth to enjoy this movie.

Rating: *1/2

Advertisements

About Branden

Branden: I am just your average movie nut that reviews films. Gives his take on pop culture and Hollywood happenings. Dreams to have his own thriving website and make a living doing what he is passionate about.

Posted on March 31, 2010, in 2009, Action, Crime, Drama, Thriller and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. This Guy Over Here

    I really don’t like tearing down movies publicly, but this film is definitely in my worst films of the decade. I too oddly enjoyed the first movie, but this was just a drug induced car wreck. Honestly, I didn’t even finish watching it, which I never do, but when a film makes you ask the question “is there anything else I’d rather be doing with my time?” you’re in trouble. But when it makes you answer it with “yes, a-n-y-t-h-I-n-g” then you know it’s the worst.

    • Guy, I enjoy tearing down movies. It’s my right. This movie is so ridiculous and batshit crazy that it is like watching a trainwreck. I have seen some bad movies. Some are so bad that they are good. Some are plain bad. You cannot enjoy this movie.

  2. It’s a psychological thriller. It’s not realistic, it’s not sophisticated, but it doesn’t need to be. It’s an action movie, not Sherlock Holmes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: