Horror Movie Checklist
Watching a dozen horror movies for the past week, I have noticed some glaring similarities. I have prepared a checklist of what I learned from horror movies. A template, if you will.
We’re Taking A Trip
Have a bunch of stupid people traveling to remote area. Everything will fine.
Leave Civilization Behind
Why travel in a car? How about walking on foot? Donkey?
Bring your phone that will not work.
I’ll Be Watching You
Make sure that a creepy person is sizing you up for your demise.
Hello! Please Kill Me!
When you hear a noise, please investigate. Let the killer know where you are.
Pick Off the Little Sick One
One person dies first and everybody else is on high alert.
Keep Hope Alive
The optimist tries to keep the survivor’s spirits.
Everything Is Not Okay
The pessimistic rebuffs any chance for survival.
Is There A Doctor In The House?
One of the characters has to be a medical student to fix up the potential worm food.
Rock Out With Your Cock Out
Go on and have sex when a killer is about to get you.
Screw being in a vast open space to be killed. Go into a small, crapped place. Great idea, brianiac!
I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up
One of your lower extremities has to fail to make you a prime target.
Make Creative Kills
Slice, cut, julienne multiple enemies with swords, knives, chainsaws, etc. Whatever is near you.
When In Doubt, Gouge Their Eyes Out
Blind them! Use your thumbs. Get in there good.
Cost You an Arm or a Leg
If an infected person bites you, you have to amputate said body part as gruesome as possible.
Happy Entrails to You
The killer wants to expose your insides to everyone. Look at my guts!
You have to have your friends or the enemy’s blood smear all over you like facial.
One of your friends has to sneaks up behind you.
Stab Me in Neck, Why Don’t You?
When you just killed a creature, immediately swing at the first thing that approaches you. Have your victim inexplicably talk while blood is running out of their throats.
Bye, Bye Birdy
If some annoying animal is in your way of survival, kill it.
If there is no way out, take the plunge and take any one in the vicinity with you.
Happily Never After
Be creative. Don’t have all the characters survive.
I’m not saying that all horror movies are the same, but I just want to point out some things. I has a great time diving into the unknown. I would like to do it again. Until next time…