Horror Movie Checklist

Watching a dozen horror movies for the past week, I have noticed some glaring similarities. I have prepared a checklist of what I learned from horror movies. A template, if you will.

thumb-20040929-check_markWe’re Taking A Trip

Have a bunch of stupid people traveling to remote area. Everything will fine.

thumb-20040929-check_markLeave Civilization Behind

Why travel in a car? How about walking on foot? Donkey?

thumb-20040929-check_markNo Bars

Bring your phone that will not work.

thumb-20040929-check_markI’ll Be Watching You

Make sure that a creepy person is sizing you up for your demise.

thumb-20040929-check_markHello! Please Kill Me!

When you hear a noise, please investigate. Let the killer know where you are.

thumb-20040929-check_markPick Off the Little Sick One

One person dies first and everybody else is on high alert.

thumb-20040929-check_markKeep Hope Alive

The optimist tries to keep the survivor’s spirits.

thumb-20040929-check_markEverything Is Not Okay

The pessimistic rebuffs any chance for survival.

thumb-20040929-check_markIs There A Doctor In The House?

One of the characters has to be a medical student to fix up the potential worm food.

thumb-20040929-check_markRock Out With Your Cock Out

Go on and have sex when a killer is about to get you.

thumb-20040929-check_markClaustrophobia

Screw being in a vast open space to be killed. Go into a small, crapped place. Great idea, brianiac!

thumb-20040929-check_markI’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

One of your lower extremities has to fail to make you a prime target.

thumb-20040929-check_markMake Creative Kills

Slice, cut, julienne multiple enemies with swords, knives, chainsaws, etc. Whatever is near you.

thumb-20040929-check_markWhen In Doubt, Gouge Their Eyes Out

Blind them! Use your thumbs. Get in there good.

thumb-20040929-check_markCost You an Arm or a Leg

If an infected person bites you, you have to amputate said body part as gruesome as possible.

thumb-20040929-check_markHappy Entrails to You

The killer wants to expose your insides to everyone. Look at my guts!

thumb-20040929-check_markBlood Baptism

You have to have your friends or the enemy’s blood smear all over you like facial.

thumb-20040929-check_markScared Shitless

One of your friends has to sneaks up behind you.

thumb-20040929-check_markStab Me in Neck, Why Don’t You?

When you just killed a creature, immediately swing at the first thing that approaches you. Have your victim inexplicably talk while blood is running out of their throats.

thumb-20040929-check_markBye, Bye Birdy

If some annoying animal is in your way of survival, kill it.

thumb-20040929-check_markCliffhanger

If there is no way out, take the plunge and take any one in the vicinity with you.

thumb-20040929-check_markHappily Never After

Be creative. Don’t have all the characters survive.

I’m not saying that all horror movies are the same, but I just want to point out some things. I has a great time diving into the unknown. I would like to do it again. Until next time…

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About Branden

Branden: I am just your average movie nut that reviews films. Gives his take on pop culture and Hollywood happenings. Dreams to have his own thriving website and make a living doing what he is passionate about.

Posted on November 2, 2009, in Creep-A-Thon, Running Feature, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. mcarteratthemovies

    Of all the Halloween/horror movie-themed lists I’ve read in the past week, this is by far my favorite — very original and very observant. Great job pointing out some standards as well as many I hadn’t noticed. My personal favorite: “Rock Out with Your Cock Out.” I observed this one in action in “Halloween II,” the latest attempt by Rob Zombie to bastardize the pristine legend that is Michael Myers.

    • Thanks, M. I’m very observant like that. I keep noticing the same things repeatedly. I decided on Friday to make the list.

  2. Hahahahahaha…………..hilarious and funny because it’s incredibly accurate. When I was a kid my mom always soothed my concern with horror films and realities by always stating:

    “Honey, there couldn’t be scary movies without stupid people in them.”

    This, even today, is how I still hold movies in regard. If the victims are smart, then I at least feel a sense of fear, but those that fall victim to these typical behaviors. 🙂

    Great list.

    • Sometimes I really hate it when movies follow the same formula. It’s something different about horror movies that should not change.

      I love shouting, “Don’t go in there. Why are you going upstairs? Get out, dumbass!” Ah! I should watch more horror movies. They are a barrel of laughs.

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