You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008)

I just want to make people silky smooth!

— Zohan Dvir

After watching the atrocious spectacle that was 81st Annual Academy Awards, I wanted to see a stupid, dumb movie to wash the bile out of my mouth. Here is the first movie of my double feature, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.

The movie centers around Zohan Dvir (Adam Sandler), a superhuman Israeli Special Forces Officer. He is like Superman with Jew-fro and an enormous junk that lives with his parents.

At the opening, he is on vacation on the coast when he is summoned to fight a Palestinian radical, the Phantom (John Turturro). Before the fight, he confides in his parents that he wants to quit the Israeli army, move to the States to become a hairdresser.

Zohan has the fight with the Phantom, which was ridiculous and defies all logic and probability. The Phantom thinks that he killed Zohan. Zohan swims off in the distance, he smuggles himself in a dog kennel and styles the two dogs in there.

In New York City, he tries to get a job with the Paul Mitchell Salon. He is denied that he is doing hairstyles from the late 80s. Side note– the cheesy 90s soundtrack of this movie was hilarious. “I Wanna Sex You Up” from Color Me Bad? Wow!

He meets Michael (Nick Swardson) on the street after a traffic accident. He crashes with him and his mother, Gail (Lainie Kazan) who thinks that he is an Australian/Tibetan man named Scrappy Coco. He has sex with her. Be forewarned, he bones a bunch of women in this movie with his magical penis.

He finds a job in Palestinian/Israeli neighborhood that is separated by the street called Rafael’s Salon by Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui) to be a hair cleaner. When a hairstylist quits, Zohan is given a chance to show his skills and also to boink the clients in the backroom.

There is a ridiculous subplot with a cab driver, Salim (Rob Schneider) recognizes Zohan and wants to seek revenge for him kicking his ass and stealing his goat. He teams up with his friends, Nasi and Hamdi (Daoud Heidami, Sayed Badreya) through the Hezbollah Terrorist Line to seek explosives.

Here are my main problems with this movie. Zohan himself, a buffed out guy who constantly rubbing his crotch on women’s shoulders, talking about doing the nasty, licking women in weird places and they are expected to swoon. Oh, please. There is a running gag of putting hummus on everything ala Windex panacea in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It grew tiresome after a while. The accents were incomprehensible to say the least.

There were some celebrity cameos in this movie, like Chris Rock, Kevin Nealon, Kevin James, John McEnroe, Dave Matthews and Mariah Carey.

Judgment: If you want to turn off your brain and enjoy a ridiculous movie, this is it.

Rating: **


About Branden

Branden: I am just your average movie nut that reviews films. Gives his take on pop culture and Hollywood happenings. Dreams to have his own thriving website and make a living doing what he is passionate about.

Posted on February 23, 2009, in 2008, Comedy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: